WARNING:  for those obstinately opposed to the ample application of alliteration, please stop here.  I happen to like alliteration–even though there are those who believe that it is not a viable literary device because they don’t think it serves much purpose –because of the musicality it adds to the language.  And if it’s good enough for Dr. Seuss, it’s good enough for me…and he has Dr. in his name.  For those whose curiosity I have piqued in my sleep-deprived delirium, read on.   I figure since misery loves company, *clink*, welcome to my nightmare.   And I’m feeling all self-deprecating Erma Bombeck-ish, so come on…commiserate.  Please.

Thanks.

It’s now 5:44 AM (adjusted from when I began typing this), and when I went to bed last night, I had every intention of going to work.  I was actually beginning to feel better.

2:18 AM told a different story.

Now considering that I could probably be called an expert on the 2012-2013 flu season because I have dealt with four strains of it and had four bouts of fun, I’d like to think that I know when I was finally on the mend for good.   One thing that these gems have all had in common is the sneak attack.  Not the Ninja variety of attack either…that’s too graceful to describe the sudden barrage on every muscle in the human body that’s much akin to guerrilla warfare.  Slam surprise attack and then left to suffer the after effects.  However, once the effects begin to subside, healing begins.  It’s not like the truck comes back around the block and hits you again once you’re on your feet.

Well, not this time.  At the point of being on the mend, a new symptom suddenly popped up out of nowhere (more guerrilla tactics, grrrrr).    I also know that it is most probable that for a very long time, the smell of garlic will bring that salivating sensation which precludes projectile puking.  (Hey…you kept reading!  Did I not warn you of the alliteration?  And did I not mention that misery loves company?)    As I sit here three hours later wide awake from fear of falling asleep and NOT making it to the other room in time, I am wondering… is this really from the flu?  Or did I do something wrong in trying to cure it?

During this round of flu, I was told of a sure remedy that would make me feel like a million bucks in no time.  I mentioned in an earlier post about the “tea” that Joe’s friend mentioned to me.  The one with the ginger, lemon, garlic and cayenne?  I even looked it up on the internet and found it…so since others have used it, it must work, right?

I made some of it and forced it down on Sunday night.  Considering that I was starting to feel a little better on Monday, I figured that more would make me even better even faster.   This time I think I overdid it.

Eight cloves of garlic, two lemons, a whole finger-length piece of ginger, and two tablespoons of cayenne later, I brewed up a concoction that would have knocked the flu out of Thor.   I drank that all day long.  ALL of it.  (This is a pic from the internet…I didn’t take a picture of the stock pot brew I made and drank).

Another thing… that’s all I put into my body with the exception of a bowl of chicken soup with rice.  “Merry once, Merry twice, Merry chicken soup with rice!”  That book was a favorite of mine with I was a kid… ok, now the ADD is kicking in… where was I?

Around 2 in the afternoon, I really started to sweat.  I thought to myself, “C’mon cayenne, kick the crap out of this cold…err…flu!” (alliteration out of control there…sleep deprivation definitely kicking in).   It got so bad that I didn’t know what to do.  I took a shower.  Ten minutes later, I was drenched again.  I thought about going on the porch into the air, but you know Spring in Rochester…it was freezing out (at least that’s what my son said… I haven’t seen the outdoors since Saturday morning).   It was like hot flashes on steroids!  (I was going to say hormones, but they already ARE on hormones!)  So I turned on the air conditioning for awhile.  And I showered twice more.  And I also wrote quite a bit to keep my mind off it (this is my fourth post in the past 24 hours!).   And finally the sweating stopped…just in time to go to bed.

Like I said, when I went to bed, I had every intention of going to work.  At 2:18 AM, the concoction came back to call.  And it wasn’t cordial.  And I REEKED of garlic!  And now my abs are killing me, and it ain’t from sit ups.

So enough about my night.  I was forced to write lesson plans at 2:30 AM and pray that the district can find an early morning sub.   Homeopathy gone haywire, huh?

Still with me?  Ready for another tale of terror?  Good, because I can’t trust my tummy to let me get any sleep just yet.

I’m not the only one in this house with a homeopathic horror story.  Joe’s story rivals mine.  Stick around.

Joe has been sick with a cold for a few days now (and it doesn’t help that he is a smoker).   Sunday night he called me from work to tell me that he was having a hard time breathing because whenever he took a breath, he got a stabbing pain in his back.  I told him to come home and I would take him to urgent care, or to go to urgent care and I would call in the numbers on my insurance and benefits card for him.  He said that he didn’t want to do to the doctor and that he’d be alright.  I told him to call if he got worse.  Well, I didn’t hear from him, so I figured he stayed at work.

When he came home at 12:30, he woke me up to let me know he was home, and then turned on a light to show me this:

He, too, opted for a home remedy.  His friend told him about this old treatment that his mom does for muscle spasms like what he described.  It involved rubbing peppermint oil on the back and then taking a spoon and SCRAPING it against the muscles!  I’m all for aromatheraphy and deep-tissue massage, but this is over kill!

According to his friend’s mom, this is how it’s supposed to look.  Ummm… that looks like torn muscle tissue to me!

But he swears it feels better and his cough is no longer a stabbing pain in his back.

Tomorrow we BOTH see somebody with Dr. in his/her name, and it won’t be Dr. Seuss!