While I think I managed to find myself in this place a bit unwillingly, I think this is all good for me. Focusing on the beauty of the situation is key to survival and moving onward. In slaking my thirst, grounding seems to be working so much better for me than running and seeking.
At any time when I begin to lose the sense of solitude and drift toward loneliness, my grounding ritual has been very effective lately.
First, I imagine myself surrounded by a calming blue sphere of light through which only good can enter and anything negative cannot penetrate. Next, I see a tap root emerging from my root chakra and plunging deep into the earth, boring deeper through the layers of the surface, forcing its way to the center of Mother Earth until it finds its way to a large crystal underground cavern. In its center is a clear, deep pool of the purest water, and my tap root plunges into the clear waters, drinking deeply and carrying its cleansing liquid upward to me. I can feel it moving first through my root chakra, cleansing and purifying, and then moving slowly upward. As the water reaches each chakra in succession, I can actually feel the area being cleansed and purified until the water finally spills out of my crown chakra and flows over the outer form of my body. Impurities are carried out and washed away, leaving me with the feeling of warmth and love flowing from the Earth Mother.
As the waters continue to wash over me, I next imagine branches growing out from my crown chakra and reaching up toward the Universe, spreading out and bringing down what energy my body needs and is able to contain. It comes down as licks of fire and, like the water, moves through each chakra in its turn, only moving downward this time. The fiery energy burns any negativity that exists inside me, including any illnesses that may be lurking, or any ill will I may be harboring. The flames further purify me, and they exit through the root chakra, rising up and around my body. The flowing water does not quench the flame, nor does the flame evaporate the water. As the ash of any lingering negativity is removed by the fire, the water rinses the chakras and washes it out and back into the Earth where it becomes positive energy.
These moving cycles continue until I am feeling fully cleansed and energized and ready to withstand the vastness of this desert I find myself in. Then I slowly withdraw my tap root back into myself and bring my branches back inward from the Universe, only allowing enough cleansing water and purifying energy that my body can handle to remain with me.
And this is a good place. Indigenous boys go into the wild on a quest to find the man inside. Jesus went into the desert for 40 days to prepare himself for his ministry. Moses led his people to freedom through the desert, although it took 40 years. So I think that this desert time is preparing me for something… I don’t know what, and I don’t know when it will happen, but something good will come from this.
I don’t know if I will continue to travel alone, or if a companion will appear on the horizon…. but I do know that I will continue on this journey. I will do my best to not run for the first mirage that appears, thinking that I have found my oasis, only to be disappointed. If it is my destiny to have a companion, I will wait for him to appear instead of running out to seek him. If I am destined to travel alone, I will do so with wonder in my heart and learn to appreciate the beauty of the desert while I am here. When I begin to feel lonely, I will search inside myself for solace and know that I am never truly alone. I know that I will come across the oases of family and friends, and I will visit and be happy with them, but I will also know that my own journey leads elsewhere and that I cannot plant myself in their gardens. One day, I will have a garden of my own, but today is not that day.
And that’s ok. I have the kiss of the overhead sun, the warmth of the sand under my feet, and the jewels of desert flowers to bring me pleasure. I sing to let any creatures know that I am in their midst so that I don’t catch any unawares and frighten them into thinking I am an enemy, thereby causing them to attack. And with no one watching, I dance in the openness without anything to impede my range of motion.
And so I continue forward… or in circles… or who knows for sure out in the wide openness? But at least I continue. And when I feel the thirst come upon me, I know how to best quench it.