I Want to Bring the Inside Out!

Published October 3, 2011 by Susan Woodward

Amethyst Geode

I took a picture of this geode, which is filled with beautiful amethyst crystals that had once been hidden inside.  I feel like that geode.  There’s so much inside me that I want to express, but because of the wall of protection that I put around myself, very few ever get to see what’s there.   Over the years I’ve simply hid myself away because of past rejection and fears of future rejection.

I want to share ideas, but I am afraid others will think that they are stupid or irrelevant.  I especially feel like that whenever I go to a social function.  There have been times in the past when I’ve tried to contribute to a conversation only to be shot down or made to feel idiotic simply because they disagree with me.  Rather than try to prove my point, I retreat inside my shell.    In close personal relationships, I’ve longed to share spiritual beliefs with someone I love and care about.  However, I have been told that I am wrong and going to hell more often than I can count, so once more I retreat and clam up.

The only way anyone will ever be able to see the Amethyst inside would probably be to break through the outer shell.   I guess one way of doing that is through writing.    It will be less painful for me to do the cracking of the geode a little at a time, and maybe I can simply share the inner Amethyst in bits and pieces.  Once day I hope to be more like the geode in this picture… fully free to show its inner beauty!

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